bitter enemy or gracious friend?

time.
its the one thing we all have in common.

what do i have time for?
i have time to heal.
i have time to grow.
i have time to learn.

what do i want to make time for?
i want to make more time to forgive (and forget) lovingly.
and to nurture my heart and the things that give me joy.
i want to take more time to tell people honest things that they need to hear.
and to be more honest with myself.
i want to make more time for cleaning up the clutter...
in my room and in my life.
i wanted to have more time to love you.
i want more hours in the day where i let the sun kiss my shoulders.
and more time to drive around with friends.

time has been a kind friend and a bitter enemy over the years.
"just give it time"
"time heals all wounds"
"i wish i had more time"
"if only the time would pass more quickly"
"time well spent"

do we want more or less time?
it depends on what time can do for me in the state that i am in.
is time healing me of a broken heart?
or is it keeping me like a prisoner thats waiting to serve their sentence.
either way, its going to going to pass whether i like it or not.

i can look back and thank time for the places in my life that it has taken me away from.
thats usually how it works though.
i appreciate time more when it has passed.

but at the same time, i can remember sufjan stevens on vinyl on a bedroom floor and checkers and coffee and omletts and chocolate chips at 3am and wishing that time would give me just a little longer.
thats usually when i hate time the most...
one minute you have it, and then the next you dont.

time is great at helping me realize how small i am.
its great at showing me how smart God is and how clueless i am to believe that my way is the best way.
it great at revealing to me the mistakes ive made and what i deserve.

right now, time could pass slowly or quickly.
i doesnt matter to me.
sure, theres things that i look forward to in the coming months,
but to be honest, i look forward to next weekend, and the weekend after that, and so and so forth.

new memories will become more important than old ones
songs you thought you couldnt listen to will creep back into your life
and people from time to time will give you a smile.