tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74988408805091909492024-03-05T16:53:44.488-06:00time.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-86269490472910205642009-08-16T17:33:00.003-05:002009-08-16T18:37:13.499-05:00The Greatest Romance.You were there loving me, when he never could.<br />You were there begging me for my attention, when my view was so narrow.<br />Well, now you have my attention.<br /><br /><br /><br />People will never do it.<br />Friends will never fulfill it.<br />A man could never be it.<br />It will always be You<br /><br /><br />Situations will change.<br />Life will pass from one season to the next.<br />People will come and go.<br />One day i will have a job.<br />One day i might get married<br />One day i might have kids.<br />But it will still be you.<br /><br />You are the greatest love story ever written.<br /><br /><br />You know me, You made me.<br />You see my inequities and my insecurities.<br />You listen to the ramblings of my bitter heart<br />and put up with me when all i want to do is yell.<br /><br /><br />I could not begin to count the number of times i have cheated on You.<br />All the times i have proclaimed my loyalties to you, yet jumped at the first chance of entertaining company far less grand.<br />I have cursed You.<br />I have slandered You.<br />I have turned my back on You.<br />Im sure i have broken Your heart more times than i could ever know.<br /><br /><br />Yet You continue to pursue me.<br />Against any logic known to man, You do not turn your back on me.<br />Your love has never left me.<br />After all this time, You still desire to woo me.<br />You desire to show me love<br />To show me mercry<br />To show me things you know i will find beautiful.<br /><br /><br /><br />I live in a house with beautiful ivy growing down the side of it.<br />Every morning when i wake up and draw back my curtains, warm sunshine will flood my room.<br />You know i love fall and browns and reds and oranges and yellows.<br />You know i love the rain.<br />You see me smile after a good storm.<br />You are the breeze that comes over me on a hot summer day.<br />You are Elizabeth when we are driving in the car jamming to whatever song we are currently in love with.<br />You are Kate when i come over to her apartment in shambles and she sits there and loves me and lets me cry.<br />You are a beautiful Jon Foreman song that i play over and over again.<br /><br /><br />You are the greatest fairytale that i could ever imagine.<br />You are the realest love i will ever know.<br />You know exactly what woos me and what will cause my heart to smile.<br />Your love is extravagant.<br />More loyal and more true and more honest and more genuine than anything any man could ever offer me.<br /><br /><br /><br />Oh my God, you are a mystery to me.<br />How you love me.<br />How you were there.<br />How you have watched me.<br />How you have pursued me.<br />My life is so fleeting.<br />It is so incredible to me the way you desire to love me.<br /><br /><br /><br />What a romance it is to be loved by you!<br />What a divine love that you have for me!<br />How incredibly lucky i am that the Lord of all creation, heaven and earth, desires a crazy, adventure of a romance with little ol rachel cline.<br /><br /><br /><br />Lately i have felt so unimpressive, so dispensable.<br />I have felt so unnoticeable and unnecessary.<br />But what matter should it be to me?<br /><br /><br /><br />When i feel alone, when i feel looked over, like i am nothing special to anyone,<br />I can crawl into my Fathers lap where i can be exactly the person He created me to be.<br />I can be beautiful.<br />I can be silly.<br />I can rest.<br />I can laugh.<br />I can sing as loud as i want.<br />And I can throw my arms out and dance and dance and dance.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-75589589234559489762009-08-10T23:35:00.005-05:002009-08-11T00:23:02.231-05:00a conversation between friends.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwspTcelmT8X45BvCJydXT9OuJqGNRlGRpVY_vf7XRs9V5ubINZ4rBKfQqs60YBWji-STbkRf9cjhji4rszcYFVwUCMjfV6lIQngyBjtUX_TH99-CVjBh7FN0xFIu3cWd63fTNK2Ybjtma/s1600-h/And_here_I_sit_by_PinEyedGirl.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368571619986976834" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwspTcelmT8X45BvCJydXT9OuJqGNRlGRpVY_vf7XRs9V5ubINZ4rBKfQqs60YBWji-STbkRf9cjhji4rszcYFVwUCMjfV6lIQngyBjtUX_TH99-CVjBh7FN0xFIu3cWd63fTNK2Ybjtma/s320/And_here_I_sit_by_PinEyedGirl.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><br /><div>what can i expect. what can i do. i really have no control. give it up. give it over. freedom has never left me, ive always had it. i havent let it in. hardened heart. bitter heart. angry heart. guarded heart. i have no claim. you have yours and ill have mine. ultimately, whats best is best and people are people. news is just news. old is new and new is old and the circle never stops. recycle, reuse, redo...its all the same. the process is never ending, except the one day when it does. learning. changing. rearranging. use caution. know when to keep it up and when to let it fall. im impulsive. that is ugly truth sometimes. dont want to let this fall on empty ears. ive been a slacker. ive been selfish. i havent been keeping up with the things i should. give me Youre passion. give me Your love. give me Your grace. give me Your peace. i am one person. i am one girl. i am small, and have not got a single thing figured out. the more things i figure out, the more questions i come up with. solutions only pose different questions. we're never done. we keep changing. everyone is on their own road. you live in freedom. you have already arrived at that destination. i on the other hand, am lost. the directions are good, im just really bad at following them. ill get there some day. some day ill catch up. my words are too angry. i am too quick to speak. nothing is mine, it is all the Lords. im flesh, and He is the good in me. dont give Satan a foot hole, he'll turn it into something it never meant to be. what were your intentions? what were any of you alls intentions? good, better, best. you all know what to say. is it true that everyone will always play games? i sure hope not. not forever. not for long. i think most people are good. i need to remember that they are not always going to be what i want or expect. God is good though, and they can be good bc God is good. be careful. be aware. dont be naive. especially me, ive been naive. you dont always have to be a victim. i wont put up with peoples bull. i dont want to give anyone bull either. i just want to be honest. and real. and raw. be exactly who i am in any given moment. no shows. no stages. how will i do it? how will it work out? i have to watch you live in that freedom. watch you fall perfectly in line. i still have regrets. im not at that point yet. the one where people say they have no regrets. i havent gotten there yet. i still want to carve my name into what is mine. that 80 dollars i spent to try to give you something important. turned out it was just 80 dollars. turned out that i am still immature and could care less at the moment. turns out that i won that game. and what a prize i got. reality is now. its not next summer. its not in France. its not years from now outside on that perfect day in fall with all my family and champagn and "i do's." reality is lubbock. reality is statistics and french class and foundation and wesley and dry weather with no beaches and pizza and friends and new people and flat land and a 9 hour drive and coming to terms with the fact that africa didnt heal me and i dont have all the answers and an entire summer has passed and i STILL dont know what i want to do with my life. wait on the Lord. He's faithful. i believe His promises. i really do. but i am human. and im struggling. and i wont pretend that im not. His freedom has always been there. it is whether or not i decide to live into it. give it up. give it over. i will learn something. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div></div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-27731400237846922082009-07-30T14:58:00.007-05:002009-07-30T15:36:53.305-05:00At Your Feet.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl_hsGlYeSIGpSZJ4-KaouhsF0Q_wHajH9ojW21N_8dEzFJnmGdiknrkEY_Vzevu_eUAc9pefdeaKr7NRQJednPGNNIMPxBGj1FZVhSLbiQicvD1257wJOycTKuV5AUwIgywaTwN_unE2O/s1600-h/z31299626.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364354438339200530" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 266px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl_hsGlYeSIGpSZJ4-KaouhsF0Q_wHajH9ojW21N_8dEzFJnmGdiknrkEY_Vzevu_eUAc9pefdeaKr7NRQJednPGNNIMPxBGj1FZVhSLbiQicvD1257wJOycTKuV5AUwIgywaTwN_unE2O/s320/z31299626.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><br /><br /><div>Sin is such an ugly thing. </div><div>God is the only thing i have to hold on to,</div><div>He is literally our only hope.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>I am a flawed, imperfect sinner.</div><div>I am Judas, I am Peter.</div><div>I am a hypocrite in its truest form.</div><br /><div>I am wholly and completely at the mercy of the Lord.</div><div>I am flesh, i am sin.</div><div>I am only made clean by his blood and his blood alone.</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>What has happened here is that God has once again brought me low and made me humble.</div><br /><br /><div>It is in these times that I realize how insignificant I am, and how completely and utterly dependent I am on Gods grace and mercy.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>I am nothing good apart from the Lord</div><div>I must decrease, so that He may increase.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>It is He who lifts me up out of the miry clay and washes the dirt from eyes.</div><div>It is He who gives me the strength to overcome the evil in my own life.</div><div>I can not rely on myself because I am not good</div><div>Apart from him I am complete darkness.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>I am a wreck.</div><div>My sin weighs heavy on my back like a burden that is too much for me to carry.</div><div>The good that I desire to do, is not the good that I do.</div><br /><div>But that is why He is so good.</div><div>Because He is gracious, and He is forgiving, and He is loving.</div><br /><div>And I am undeserving.<br />He is God, and I am man.</div><div>What is man that the Lord of all creation should be mindful of him?</div><div>I am but a grain of sand.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>I can not expect God to do anything with me or for me in the state that I have been in. </div><div>For me to be of any use, God has to be in His rightful place, and I have to be in mine.</div><div>And God is most surely always in His rightful place.</div><div>It is me who has been trying to be greater than I am.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>My place is at Christs feet.</div><div>Humbled.</div><div>Repenting.</div><div>Submissive.</div><div>Devoted.</div><div>A Servant.</div><br /><div>Lord, You are my only good.</div><div>You are my only hope.</div><div>You are the only one who can save.</div><div>You are the only one who can change my heart.</div><div>Lord, heal and forgive my past, and write my future.</div></div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-23618098972202398832009-07-29T16:51:00.008-05:002009-07-29T17:32:42.948-05:00White As Snow<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFMS2F5WpKt83lK9XZugq2DlSHVlfAM165_D3OJR_aEdTfyQLHlbxuAZ8s6LcMXgRNlBUR8kKFeWNAoGa2YbRp7NWwTzU9mT51oHkbTfMjqPqxEi_8S5zyD0pRHdG27XzVbqh4nylr_TIG/s1600-h/Dark_and_cold_by_3nslav3.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364012980199659026" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 402px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 296px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFMS2F5WpKt83lK9XZugq2DlSHVlfAM165_D3OJR_aEdTfyQLHlbxuAZ8s6LcMXgRNlBUR8kKFeWNAoGa2YbRp7NWwTzU9mT51oHkbTfMjqPqxEi_8S5zyD0pRHdG27XzVbqh4nylr_TIG/s320/Dark_and_cold_by_3nslav3.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjE_-xBF7cMTNS84OcFOi3yo16phyeixNe5il6SZbtqWSGaq4kbdmO6Hw6C_tiPGhGYLhsinNG8dRtopMhALddmMdK5nMpoJdeCpybCyjVLtsGoDEgmqcoX_Bl08nQhB8ZGq73pCNfnSu7/s1600-h/8f4d966efc740ec4c759c35040ac4cea.jpg"></a><br /><br /><div></div><div>Have mercy on me, oh God </div><div>According to Your unfailing love</div><div>According to Your great compassion </div><div>Blot out my transgressions </div><br /><div></div><div>Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God</div><div>Restore in me the joy of Your salvation </div><br /><div>The sacrifices of our God are a broken and a contrite heart </div><div>Against You and You alond have I sinned </div><br /><div>Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God </div><div>Restore in me the joy of my salvation </div><br /><div>Wash me white as snow </div><div>And I will be made whole </div><div>Wash me white as snow </div><div>And I will be made whole</div></div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-30878680560583367522009-07-26T22:53:00.008-05:002009-07-26T23:05:32.144-05:00House of God Forever<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTu459qMsM9fG0kDqblW9tz0ULaLBE3QdbX8JfyEVDqNbDdNj4ksanv_7X046DTGy-nGltXdSiRAVM6bUCXFCLG1lWvz7FxGwsyVsLp9lkXEh-twvRiUtHiWYQqWQCpDuvXHrpf3t9_wzu/s1600-h/AAC150386.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362984553170813698" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 231px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTu459qMsM9fG0kDqblW9tz0ULaLBE3QdbX8JfyEVDqNbDdNj4ksanv_7X046DTGy-nGltXdSiRAVM6bUCXFCLG1lWvz7FxGwsyVsLp9lkXEh-twvRiUtHiWYQqWQCpDuvXHrpf3t9_wzu/s320/AAC150386.jpg" border="0" /></a>God is my shepherd<br /><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>I won't be wanting</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>I won't be wanting</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>He makes me rest</div><div>In fields of green</div><div>With quiet streams</div><br /><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>Even though I walk</div><div>Through the valley</div><div>Of death and dying</div><div>I will not fear</div><div>Cause you are with me</div><div>You are with me</div><br /><div></div><div>Your shepherd's staff</div><div>Comforts me</div><div>You are my feast</div><div>In the presence of enemies</div><div>Surely goodness</div><div>Will follow me</div><div>Follow me</div><div>In the house of God forever.</div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-91682303457862195932009-07-26T21:53:00.003-05:002009-07-26T22:46:58.022-05:00la dolce vita<div><div>i was made for the city. i was made for the lights and the cars and the freeways and the tall buildings and the hustle and the bustle and all the different types of people.</div><br /><div>i come alive in the city. </div><div>i feel alive in the city. </div><div>i feel free, </div><div>i feel like i could just disappear into the night without anyone noticing, </div><div>but at the same time, feel like im a part of everything.</div><div> </div><div>i was driving home from downtown tonight with the windows down listening to imogen heaps new song First Train Home, and i felt completely in my element.</div><br /><div>everything about this week has been so refreshing to my soul.</div><div>it could have not come at a better time either.</div><div>i have two of the most beautiful and wonderful people ever created as my best friends.</div><div>i wouldnt want to experience life with any other people.</div><div>simply spending time with them this week has been so healing.</div><div>3 months had been far too long.</div><br /><div>this summer has been hard.</div><div>but this week convinced me that it wont be that way for much longer.</div><br /><div>this year is going to be so different.</div><div>im done with being anything but exactly what i want when i want.</div><div>sometimes, i feel as if i might as well be wearing a big cardboard sign around my neck reading "Dont Bother."</div><div>because thats how i feel. </div><div>i dont want to bother with drama.</div><div>there is no room for it in my life.</div><div>i will stop things before they start.</div><br /><div>i have no attachments.</div><div>i have 3 best friends.</div><div>i am 20 years old.</div><div>i have a car that can drive me anywhere.</div><br /><div>my goodness, i went through so many different emotions this week.</div><div>for all the things that ive felt, i feel as if ive been gone much longer than one single week.</div><br /><div>i found out what you are doing and who you are doing it with.</div><div>freedom is a funny thing.</div><div>it comes at the weirdest times from the most unexpected places.</div><br /><div>im not ready to quite leave the city yet, but tomorrow i will wave goodbye to its tall skyscrapers </div><div>and its crowded highways.</div><div>ill say goodbye to 80's night at numbers, ecclesia, afternoons spent on my beloved westheimer, jamba juice, and all of my wonderful cafe discoveries.<br /></div><div>im so glad that i call this home.</div><div>im so glad that i have this.</div><div>im so glad that its mine, and i know it.</div><div>im so glad that i grew up here.</div><div>i know how to handle the city.</div><div>its roads, its people, its driving.</div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0G5qnvPEJ9EY3PYxiDPOV9u0TgqaT64oDhumbjvWnNMjNc0Pnc8xLPoJHt8ehIs7M1vxsjPgbEVLrDd_jSUKMgVdua38tTPmiAzJ770AJk1oVgzV3ZmMJrxk1gPiRiI2siY8PH40ra_-f/s1600-h/Mr__Multicultural_by_iNeedChemicalX.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362980179413291826" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0G5qnvPEJ9EY3PYxiDPOV9u0TgqaT64oDhumbjvWnNMjNc0Pnc8xLPoJHt8ehIs7M1vxsjPgbEVLrDd_jSUKMgVdua38tTPmiAzJ770AJk1oVgzV3ZmMJrxk1gPiRiI2siY8PH40ra_-f/s320/Mr__Multicultural_by_iNeedChemicalX.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUrsXgHPtFDZxOSU_eVO74X3Sw6p1lcDXekeZhzzGtN3iacqxKJT7_S3zj_Wu5y5m_8OtkfgY7SyTxbtEJOu_xmEPZyyqxKr1fSFdOWJyFzudtrgpf9glG-E7YdzPSHzUBBXi97LV-126u/s1600-h/Ballet_by_tinastar182.jpg"></a><br /><br /><div>"la dolce vita"</div><div>...what a sweet life it is.</div></div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-34698340139490900472009-07-19T11:20:00.003-05:002009-07-19T12:00:32.225-05:00something for everyonelots of bike rides lately, planted flowers the other day (they died), elizabeth got home, kat and i watched the sexual predators on channel 2 for 20 minutes the other day, met the most adorable married couple, our house got wrapped, this beautiful cat named delilah hangs out at our house all the time, we had our first incredibly successful bbq at the new house, i leave for houston on tuesday...i cant wait, i have got incredibly painful shin splints, i feel like im staring at a cory matthews look a like at j&b's right now, maybe ive smoked too many cloves lately, ive been constantly battling this particular lie that is currently fighting for my affections, rosetta stone has arrived and i have started learning french, ive been remembering africa a lot lately and clinging to the songs that have been my closest friends this summer, my mug collection has grown significantly, i love the disabled veterans thrift store, i cant wait to go record shopping in houston and eat at familiar places with familiar faces, i love my roommate kat, i still need to purchase jacks mannequin and the fray tickets, i keep expecting things to be different than they are and im constantly surprised when they are not like i expected, i need to stop living my life at a safe distance from people, i would like to give and recieve more mail, i cant wait to see my mother, i love blueberries a lot lately, i would like to know if you are ever reminded of the same memories as i am, i would of liked to know if it was hard for you to throw away that toothbrush and take down that paper in your bathroom, i wish i wouldnt have spent all those songs and ideas and late nights and memories on you, i wish i didnt feel vulnerable, i wish i had bought that harmonica like i wanted to this summer.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-37747460335071148392009-07-15T17:27:00.006-05:002009-07-15T18:10:40.023-05:00if we were birds, we'd all have tons of friends. :)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPi97O1J_QYxkoNTkoswp-8FBp5lmHrodpiGJYqcPNfjdM8BdigXHkIq99bUn74OhIS8UXd2lwMBQKQTTEtdcyTYXNiVxTsOW34HLz6Xz12KGYbBjyERREoyMNXbVUpks5r5hWUrsyl3Ba/s1600-h/sabrinawardharrison12.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5358828152743603618" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 420px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 370px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPi97O1J_QYxkoNTkoswp-8FBp5lmHrodpiGJYqcPNfjdM8BdigXHkIq99bUn74OhIS8UXd2lwMBQKQTTEtdcyTYXNiVxTsOW34HLz6Xz12KGYbBjyERREoyMNXbVUpks5r5hWUrsyl3Ba/s320/sabrinawardharrison12.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>i forgot how good it feels to be spontanious.<br />i like the way smoke smells and dances through the air at night.<br />i love my room and all the colors in it. it feels exactly the way i want it to.<br />i enjoy the feeling of being on the brink of something.<br />im learning to hate my red hair less.</div><br /><div>today i am wearing a shirt that fell on the ground and got dirt on it, and i decided to wear it anyways.<br />the Stars playlist on Pandora plays the most wonderous music in all the land.<br />i like opening up to people, and im good at it.<br />i like that i like coffee now, and i find it to be a good day when its vanilla toffee flavored day at j&b's. (today it was something icky)<br />i can see the places where ive grown up and im not that 18 year old girl from senior year anymore.<br />i understand why they tell you not to date your freshman year of college.<br />i understand a lot more now that ive made the mistakes.<br />i dont regret making the mistakes.<br />i like that ashley calls me whimsical, even when im not 100 percent sure what she means.<br />i like that people still see me for the person that i like.<br />ive been so flaky and weird and low profile lately that sometimes i feel like i come off as someone different than the person that i am when im at my best.<br />its good to hear that people like the same things that you like about yourself...that its not just you imagining something.<br />i have a love/hate relationship with the fact that right now, i feel like God is developing, and perhaps even creating, a side of me that i have never experienced or dealt with before.<br />i dont think i can explain how much i look forward to seeing elizabeth.<br />elizabeth is my best friend and she feels like home to me.<br />kate called me yesterday, shes back in the usa!!<br />it was such a weight off my shoulders to talk to my best friends.<br />she's so wonderful and real and im so greatful that shes my bestie.<br />sometimes i feel scared of growing up, and then sometimes i cant wait.<br /><br />im learning,<br />im growing,<br />im listening to new music,<br />im rearranging my life, mostly because i have no choice.<br />i was forced out of something i thought was beautiful.<br />i was uprooted and picked out of the ground like a fruit before it is ripe.<br />it didnt feel right for a while, and i still dont feel all the way there yet.<br /><br />but last night was mostly good because it helped me to realize that i am still the same person.<br />layers removed, in my comfort zone, i still act the same.<br />i still react the same way, i still worry about the same things.<br />the foundation of me hasnt changed.</div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-39999654551202211322009-07-07T15:12:00.001-05:002009-07-07T15:13:48.533-05:00im going to run a half marathon by december.<br />i decided this yesterday.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-30100842884415568782009-07-06T13:34:00.003-05:002009-07-06T14:03:20.693-05:00hindsight<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglWRe6d8goTyUcKdLTc32zGNxRrVY6545P_ooY8xX8ohp4i_rQu5gWv9664MNOijNV7OpLHQU1fYU_HopYucXYB9g_SE5rqd5eAjrhQ7MTpi4K7nq2Hb36nbUHUGuMkg6aKX914kkDf-Gn/s1600-h/sabrinawardharrison.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355422097061286786" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 440px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 379px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglWRe6d8goTyUcKdLTc32zGNxRrVY6545P_ooY8xX8ohp4i_rQu5gWv9664MNOijNV7OpLHQU1fYU_HopYucXYB9g_SE5rqd5eAjrhQ7MTpi4K7nq2Hb36nbUHUGuMkg6aKX914kkDf-Gn/s320/sabrinawardharrison.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>to be simple.<br />to be free.</div><div>to be young.</div><div>to be sure.</div><div>to be still.</div><div>to sit and breathe next to someone who loves you.</div><br /><div></div><div>i was so naive.</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div> </div><div>its an itch that i just cant scratch.</div><div>its a bruise that you keep sticking your finger in</div><div>its a scab that keeps getting ripped off.</div><div> </div><div>i dont quite feel like im living in freedom. </div><div>i dont feel like im living into Your freedom.</div><div> </div><div>i dont think you would call this freedom.</div><div>its either smells, or sounds, or places, or stories, or people...but one way or the other, i continue to feel the echos of a life past that seems like someone elses.</div><div> </div><div>i dont get it.</div><div>i havent been getting it.</div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-7021839085875794782009-06-26T02:02:00.004-05:002009-06-26T02:39:21.418-05:00CHANGES!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUSs1JRcmLMb1qen4J9HHjTlXYACdGliqBjwMt2W5M7ap1qmR52h9Xh4rOHxSJ_ywj6XZF8CTS2gbWVNy0B5ORSnMZKmX3lq3QRWWkaI00MkoFF7KJbins4BtLvs0OG83ZZQAa3STE74PU/s1600-h/b194230514.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 295px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 246px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351536998604031906" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUSs1JRcmLMb1qen4J9HHjTlXYACdGliqBjwMt2W5M7ap1qmR52h9Xh4rOHxSJ_ywj6XZF8CTS2gbWVNy0B5ORSnMZKmX3lq3QRWWkaI00MkoFF7KJbins4BtLvs0OG83ZZQAa3STE74PU/s320/b194230514.jpg" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div>i think <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">gunna</span> cut my hair again. perhaps a good solid cut of 6 inches or so. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">gunna</span> do it this week. :)</div><br /><div><br /></div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> moving into a house on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">wednesday</span>!</div><div>i felt like such a grown up today making all the calls to set up the electricity and cable and light and things of the like.</div><br /><div>i think i may start a garden at the new house. </div><div>i want to grow tomatoes and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">strawberrys</span>. but i may be kind of aiming too high with the strawberries.</div><br /><div>none the less, i will still grow something. </div><div>i find that growing something can be one of the most <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">fulfilling</span> experiences.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">ashley</span> and i took really beautiful pictures tonight at sunset.</div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> excited to see how they turn out.</div><div>she was really sick all day and i got to take care of her.</div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">ive</span> found that i really love taking care of sick people.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div>i feel the need to be super creative and start all these wonderful new art projects. </div><div>but they are counter acted by my attention deficit.</div><div>so right now i have this journal that i plan on turning into this multi-media art project deal, but so far <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">ive</span> only got a page and a half.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div>i want to go to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">tennessee</span> this summer to play on the lake, but i fear that that will not be in the cards this summer.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div>i miss <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">elizabeth</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">kate</span> so dearly.</div><div>they are <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">truly</span> my other halves</div><div>i feel so at home with them, and not being able to talk to them about life the past 2 months has been killer.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div>there are these new people that we've been hanging out with.</div><div>i really do wish that i felt more need to be my sarcastic, goofy, outgoing self.</div><div>but i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">havent</span> really felt like that self lately.</div><div>i feel like a different more introverted side of me has taken reign for the time being.</div><div>i feel like a bit of an observer <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">thats</span> watching the rising action in other peoples stories.</div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not complaining <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">necessarily</span>. </div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> fairly content with my lack of rising action...at least for now.</div><div>i would like to believe that life would pick up soon, but there <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">isnt</span> really much i can do about it</div><br /><div>i want to buy a harmonica and not spend 160 dollars on a ticket. </div><div> </div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-51767463374236559942009-06-25T00:40:00.006-05:002009-06-25T02:04:02.550-05:00limbo.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXEAgIIRB2Jg0qENilqyMEwbNovXPEo2KcFDEndVyEyvOl49HbEdGE-Y9H47nibM17TQzwVxrbdPKIZ_tzk6f2ipFtcnxLMrVOVpbrG7pqrPxbQc16vhE8SpFDGdKgIKWKrZ2-uKwiVWjl/s1600-h/z43107832mw1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 325px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 229px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351156845067433250" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXEAgIIRB2Jg0qENilqyMEwbNovXPEo2KcFDEndVyEyvOl49HbEdGE-Y9H47nibM17TQzwVxrbdPKIZ_tzk6f2ipFtcnxLMrVOVpbrG7pqrPxbQc16vhE8SpFDGdKgIKWKrZ2-uKwiVWjl/s320/z43107832mw1.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3xH_x_w7_t8qWaoJkucMdHccHCCg0nwicWvB_liAb01CECr7ptWFVA2zhe4fAc8MmCpahkV5pPIxjTj5h5zwrBf5dfUl3xLYi903o0-0hH9YrHiHpD-vmTuUoFXaOttykH5ksMetmoCck/s1600-h/z114240646.jpg"></a><br /><div>Sabrina Ward Harrison inspires me so much. She is this beautiful artist who creates all these beatuiful pieces with all different types of media.</div><br /><br /><div>Listening to Mason Jennings either makes me feel all melancholy and nostalgic or upbeat and sunny. I feel like its good for any mood im in.</div><br /><div>over the past week i feel like ives smoked my fair share of tobacco products. </div><div>a clove on saturday, hookah on monday, and then a cigar tonight.</div><div>i dont thing i like that amount of smoking all that much.</div><div>it just makes me feel incredibly unhealthy.</div><div>and according to God, my body is a temple, and i dont want all of that going into it.</div><div>i understand its a social thing and some people can do it, but its not for me.</div><div>ill stick with the occasional hookah.</div><br /><div>i feel stressed for money right now.</div><div>i got a speeding ticket the other day plus two parking tickets from last school year.</div><div>i feel anxious about figuring out what kind of service God wants me to do this year.</div><div>i feel nervous about not having any idea of how this next year will go.</div><div>where will i serve? what is wesley leadership going to be like? is taking french and stats going to completely destroy me? what will i need to make more time for? what will i have to stop doing? </div><div> </div><div>i've realized that i like to control the future most of the time.</div><div>i like to have some idea of what the future is going to look like<br />and i feel like that belittles the Lord and his ability to handle things.</div><div>when i try to handle and control my future it takes glory away from God.</div><div>i can be so foolish sometimes.</div><div>perhaps this momentary limbo is a big lesson i need to learn in trust.<br /></div><div>I've always been very well provided for.</div><div>I've always had what i needed and most often what ive wanted.</div><div>To be honest with myself, ive been spoiled. </div><div>and i dont mean specifically with material things like money or gifts, but with people and relationships.</div><div>ive always had a way of making what i want happen for the most part.</div><br /><div>i suppose i dont really ever give God the chance to be faithful to me because i always jump in and take charge.</div><div>i dont wait on the Lord enough.</div><div>instead, i get anxious and impatient and take matters into my own hands.</div><br /><div>in the last year of my life a lot has come and gone.</div><div>a lot of relationships have started and ended.</div><div>ive tried a lot of new things.</div><div>and been to a lot of new places</div><div>my step mom left and my dad is alone again.</div><div>ive been to africa and back.</div><div>im moving to a new place and im having to begin to grow up.</div><div>im declaring a minor eventually.</div><br /><div>i feel like im in the middle of two parts of my lives.</div><br /><div>the first being my past. </div><div>being a teenager and being able to get by on my parents.</div><div>i was irresponsible and selfish.</div><div>i had an optimistic light hearted outlook on love</div><div>i always knew what the next step was</div><div>and ive always had plenty of time </div><br /><div>and the second being my future.</div><div>i turned 20 and i should only have two more years of college left.</div><div>i need to start figuring out what i want to do with my life so that i can take classes and jobs that will reflect that.</div><div>i need to start being more responsible with my money.</div><div>get better grades. (turn things in on time)</div><div>like i said, im 20, so marriage isnt something i need to worry about,</div><div>but it would sure be nice if all the people that keep telling me that would stop getting married.<br /><br />i dont need to worry about the future. </div><div>things seem a little weird right now.</div><div>this isnt a time in my life where i necissarily feel extraordinarily confident and secure.</div><div>i dont have a lot of control over the changes that have made me uncomfortable or that have caused me to step back and evaluate what im actually doing with my life.</div><div>i believe that God is faithful and sure.</div><div>and that in this time of uncertainty about my future, and trying to find a purpose for my past, it will surely teach me to trust in Gods perfect plan for my life.</div><div> </div></div>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-39001973925807022802009-06-23T22:22:00.002-05:002009-06-23T23:01:51.816-05:00low keyi feel tired of being impressive, or at least trying to be.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> get me wrong, i love meeting new people and making new friends...<br />but lately i have found myself growing tired of the whole process.<br /><br />in order to make friends you need to spend time with new people, and as much as i usually like doing that, i find myself not being able to stick around at one place for very long.<br /><br />i find myself in all these new situations with new people<br />and i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> want to impress them.<br />i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> want to have to rack my brain for some witty comment, hoping that they'll realize how incredibly funny i can be.<br />i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> want to pretend that i know oodles and oodles about poetry<br />i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> want to <em>try</em> to be edgy and outdoorsy<br /><br />i like to paint<br />i like to be outside and go exploring<br />i like pictures and tattoos and traveling<br />i like new foods and sarcasm and art<br />but i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> feel like i need to showcase these things.<br /><br />i will speak for myself when the time is right.<br /><br />most of the time i know that i would usually want to speak up and be a part of the conversation happening around me, but instead i find myself being silent more than speaking.<br /><br />i want myself to be simple.<br />kind of what you see is what you get ya know?<br />and lately, i have no problem leaving a group of people to go home and paint in my new journal.<br />i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> feel guilty, i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> feel responsible to them.<br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not worried about how my lack of effort could possibly come off as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">disinterest</span>.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> just tired of staying when i want to leave, or laughing when things <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">arent</span> funny, or telling jokes that i hope are funny, all in hopes of making a good impression on people.<br /><br />i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> need to do any of that.<br />ill leave when i want to.<br /><br />this all probably seems like something incredibly obvious to know. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">haha</span><br /><br />i feel <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">awfully</span> low key this summer.<br />and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> no shame in that for me.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> learning a lot about not only being comfortable with alone time, but actually craving it and enjoying it.<br />mornings or afternoons at j&<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">b's</span> with a new book<br />going on runs<br />watching the travel channel and eating bowls of cereal<br />doing an array of arts and crafts<br />searching craigslist for bikes<br />and exploring my new favorite website etsy.com (online thrift store!)<br /><br />maybe its because i spent the last month with 17 people and no alone time.<br />maybe its because i have a habit of losing myself in the company of people.<br />maybe its because i got so comfortable with people that were in my life, and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not ready to start over again.<br /><br />but either way, the approval of people and the need to please is something i have abandoned for the time being.<br />and i mean that in the best way possible. haha<br /><br />"<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> okay with being unimpressive, i sleep better."<br />....garden state anyone? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">haha</span>rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-50945694687216495662009-06-15T07:44:00.002-05:002009-06-15T08:38:59.028-05:00just what the doctor ordered.today it is 7:30 in the a.m. and i am sitting at J&B's by myself listening to Ryan Adams, eating an egg sausage and cheese bagel on wheat, and drinking an iced soy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">chai</span>.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ashley</span> and heath came into my room at 5 this morning with huge sheets over their head trying to scare me.<br />needless to say, i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">couldnt</span> fall back asleep.<br /><br />it feels good to be by myself in a place that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">im</span> familiar with.<br />constant companionship from 17 people can be surprisingly exhausting.<br />this is just what i needed.<br /><br />yesterday i was sitting in church and realized there are a few things that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">im</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">wrestling</span> with right now<br /><br />1. the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">american</span> church and its un<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">necessary facination with using big technology and flashy things in their services [sell jesus, not entertainment]</span><br />2. where does God want me to serve this year? I want to be proactive but i dont know where/how yet.<br />3. being more aware of what i need and not what i think i want. [listening and obeying]<br />4. being more patient and trusting God with my life. [bridge reference]<br />5. trying new things and hanging out with new people. [be more bold]<br />6. i should probably be more honest with people about how i feel.<br /><br />i feel like i have nothing to lose anymore.<br />i would only lose if i didnt step out.<br />im in this place of not knowing, so why not explore?<br /><br />i want to deal with the things that arent going to change instead of ignoring them.<br />ii want to scream things at people sometimes, but i dont think that will be fair.<br /><br />i just talked to elizabeth online!<br />shes in germany at the moment.<br />it was so wonderful to get to talk to her!<br />since 7th grade we talked about traveling europe together, and now she got there without me.<br />im so happy for her but i miss my baby bear :(<br /><br />alright, well, i leave to council ceta camp today and i still need to go home and back.<br /><br />goodbye again lubbock...we shall meet again soon.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-77096755695039474562009-06-14T10:32:00.002-05:002009-06-14T10:48:17.745-05:00has may already happened?back from rwanda!<br /><br />what a month it has been.<br />i felt like i was there forever, but upon coming back i feel like ive been here all along.<br /><br />i took my first american meal since ive been back at Market Street and the second at Pei Wei.<br />it was glorious.<br /><br />if you would have asked me what has changed last week while i was sitting at Mango Tree church holding a little african baby and listening to pastor Nathan Amouti talk, i dont think i would have known what to say.<br />but now that im back i feel the change quite a bit more.<br /><br />this coming year is going to be filled with changes.<br />i plan on preparing for them as soon as possible.<br /><br />my life is on a bridge.<br /><br />i met ashley yesterday.<br />shes alright i guess......<br />psych!<br />lol i love her and hope she reads this.<br /><br />im working One Way camp at Ceta Canyon this next week.<br />im pumped.<br />for a lot of things mostly.<br /><br />mission #1: find a new church that i really love<br />mission #2: check out miracle manner<br />mission #3: live in the present and not in the future<br /><br />this year will be a year of fresh starts!<br /><br />i miss you elizabeth and kate.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-12833968280497291382009-05-13T08:42:00.002-05:002009-05-13T08:47:15.937-05:00we made it!we made it.<br />after 3 days of traveling.<br /><br />Rwanda is beautiful. there are hills and trees and flowers everywhere!<br />i dont have much to say at the moment, which is probably good because i dont have much time on the computer.<br /><br />we're staying in this beautiful compound<br />the people here are all so friendly and we played frisbee and soccer with some of the local kids here this morning<br />today we are just resting.<br />we went to the genocide memorial and we're not doing much else for the rest of the day<br />tomorrow we're going up to the school to get to know the kids and start painting.<br /><br />the weather is wonderful, the people are wonderful, God is wonderful, im excited to see what happens over the next month.<br /><br />ill probably have another chance to update over the next week or so<br />ill probably have more to talk about then.<br /><br />pray for rest, we are all really tired and i especially am having trouble with jetlag lol<br /><br />love you all! :)rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-68116622260647658652009-05-09T18:51:00.004-05:002009-05-09T19:10:42.753-05:00wherever you are, there you will be.its saturday.<br />ill be in rwanda on tuesday.<br />we leave for dallas tomorrow<br />fly out of dallas on monday morning<br />first stop, D.C.<br />second stop, Brussels.<br />third stop, Kigali, Rwanda.<br /><br />i dont have any expectations<br />ive been spending money left and right on this and that to get ready for the trip.<br />oddly enough, spending money like this stresses me out.<br />ive yet to finish packing and clean out my car to drive to dallas<br />im excited to be in a different place<br /><br /><br />as usual, i could write many a paragraph on the last couple of days,<br />but instead ill make it short and sweet.<br /><br />pray for our team<br />pray for safety<br />pray for patience<br />pray for unity<br />pray for understanding<br />pray for strength<br />pray for growth<br />pray for the gospel to excell<br />pray for discernment<br />pray for laughter<br />pray for obedience<br />pray for change<br />pray for encouragement<br />and pray for rest<br /><br />we have a wonderful team going over there.<br />all 17 of us.<br />but even more importantly, we have a wonderful God that has been before us.<br /><br />there will be times once or twice a week where we are able to get to a computer.<br />and im gunna try to update my blog a bit about whats going on.<br />so, if you are interested in knowing whats going on over there, stay tunned!<br /><br />this summer will be good for all of us.<br /><br />have a great month! :)rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-70957870597073880872009-05-06T00:05:00.002-05:002009-05-06T00:34:37.844-05:005 more days.tomorrow im driving to Hobbs, NM....again.<br />2nd time in about a week id say.<br />no, its been exactly a week.<br />i lost my shot record that i need to get into africa, so theyre gunna give me a new one.<br />i planned on going alone, but now i have some friendly company coming with. :)<br /><br />this morning was perfect i felt like.<br />wow it felt so long ago.<br />ive been up for a while.<br /><br />it was foggy and overcast and a bit chilly<br />and we went to meet kate for coffee and breakfast at j&b's.<br />love that place.<br />i listened to Death Cab on the way there and the song "Your New Twin Sized Bed" sounded so beautiful driving through the old houses with ivy growing down the sides of them that dot Tech Terrace on my way to coffee.<br /><br />driving home from coffee, my dear roommate kat noticed a house that was redoing their windows.<br />we pulled over and they were just going to get rid of all these old rustic window panes,<br />so instead, we took these jewels of a find off of their hands.<br />we're going to arrange them on walls around our house next year. :)<br /><br />Gabi signed my lease today,<br />which means i can officially live in the house on 16th with the great back yard and lots of windows and ivy.<br />its going to be positively perf.<br />we're going to have lots of tea parties and outdoor fancy dinners in our beautiful backyard when its warm outside.<br />and huddle around our fire pit and drink hot coccoa when it turns winter.<br />oh the memories the five of us will share.<br /><br />sometimes i forget that ill have school.<br />sometimes i dream up too many wonderful ideas and forget to leave out the moments where i will have to lock myself in my room and do papers and tests and french homework<br /><br />maybe that will be all i stress about this year.<br />school.<br />can i confess something extremely honest and vulnerable for a moment?<br />there has never been a time in the last 4 years where i have not had some potential relationship impending with a boy.<br />and please, in whatever way you take that, please understand that i am not bragging.<br />i am rejoicing, because for the first time i am not worried.<br />i am not concerned.<br />i am not anxious.<br />i am not in a hurry.<br />and i am not wanting more than God gives me each day.<br /><br />although sometimes its easier to say that i live better in the reality of martha stuart and southern living magazines<br />where every day is lots of fruit and making a dinner for the backyard<br />where every evening is warm and relaxing and restful<br />where people stop by unexpectedly and want to have tea and talk with you<br />where there are always front or back porches to swing on<br />and plants stay green forever.<br /><br />i may be at a high risk of sounding cliche, but those are the moments i live for.<br />when the weather is just right enough to go exploring in the forests behind my grandparents pennsylvania cottage.<br />when you walk outside and the sun hits your shoulders and you go get a snow cone because there 1 dollar and taste out of this world!<br />when its 20 degrees oustide and you bundle up and load friends, a blanket, and a thermus of hot chocolate into your car and go look at christmas lights.<br /><br />God is a gracious God to give us these moments.<br />these moments of bure bliss where we can look around at each other and not even need to say anything and just know that we are blessed.<br />that we are the lucky ones.<br />that God has provided us with all the we need to get through anything.<br />and we have love.<br />love that we can give away and love the we can rest in.<br />love that will give you the strength you need to get out of bed in the morning when you literally feel like the most pathetic person in the world.<br /><br />we are all enough.<br />we are wonderfully and perfectly made.<br />our quircks, our sense of humor, our insecurities, our slip ups, and our epic moments of pride<br />all our gifts and our all faults make us perfect.<br />because my definition of perfect is someone who knows that they dont have it all together and is content in letting the light shine more than the darkness.<br /><br /><br />dang. aint nothin like it. lol<br />(please someone reading this blog get this reference)<br /><br /><br />Goodnight. :)rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-54514910892292737772009-05-04T10:49:00.001-05:002009-05-04T10:49:28.908-05:00Oh Jesus,I only have eyes for you. :)rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-60746491483391279272009-05-04T01:17:00.003-05:002009-05-04T01:31:13.965-05:00Genesisi leave for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">rwanda</span> in a week<br />i have 3 empty jars on my desk that i cant figure out what to fill with.<br />i am welcome to ideas.<br /><br />i feel like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">im</span> living right now.<br />i mean duh, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">im</span> living right now.<br />but i just feel like a lot is happening right now.<br /><br />it was a wonderful day today for a bunch of people.<br />me and Kate had a moment in the car this afternoon on the way home from dinner i think it was.<br />we were reflecting on the year and where things had taken us,<br />and where we were right then.<br />and it became very clear to me that we had started all over again.<br />from the beginning.<br />we were exactly where we were at the beginning of the school year.<br />it was a funny feeling.<br /><br />i was a clean slate.<br />everything that was for both of us had come and gone.<br />our lives had their own seasons that peaked and fell and then leveled off.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">im</span> glad for a lot of things<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">im</span> changing so much<br />maybe you wont have the same problem that i will<br /><br />i think that it is not a competition<br />i am not less okay because we are not in the same spot<br />i think where i am and how i feel are incredibly appropriate.<br />and like wise for you.<br /><br />worrying is like telling God that he can't handle the future.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-35351373777444487102009-05-03T15:28:00.004-05:002009-05-03T15:46:53.702-05:00TODAY!how can i be expected to study in the state i am in.<br />there should be a rule where i can pull the "dreaming" card.<br />how can i be expected to worry about silly physical anthropology!!!!<br /><br />let me give you a glimpse of my situation (forgive me if its "scatter-ish"):<br />the day is overcast and im sitting at j&b's with some of the besties.<br />they are all "studying" too.<br />im listening to Cloud Cult and dreaming of ways God could want to use me.<br />im a social work major and 20 and completely unsure of where ill be in 2 or 3 years.<br />im studying for my social work final and im reading about settlement houses.<br />and all i can think about is the community called the Simple Way that Shane Claiborn writes about in Irresistable Revolution and how badly i want to fall into play with that in the quickest way possible.<br />i want to intern there.<br />i want to be in community and love Jesus with those people.<br />i want to be a part of what Jesus is doing there.<br />gah its so great!<br />go to <a href="http://www.thesimpleway.org/">http://www.thesimpleway.org/</a><br />its so real and organic and natural and refreshing the way these people live to love and to serve.<br /><br />could this be what you want for me Jesus?<br />one day last year i walked into a book store looking for something to read and that was the first one that caught my eye<br />i read it and it changed my love for Jesus in such a real way<br />was this your plan Jesus?<br />You have changed my heart so greatly since then.<br />is it silly to think i may believe that picking up that book last year was Gods first bit of revealing His plan for me?<br />no. i do not think it is. lol<br /><br />i want to play under fire hydrants with inner city children!<br />and help them with their homework!<br />and plant a huge garden!<br />and use re-usable resources!<br />and think of new and creative ideas to raise awareness for, and practice social justice in my life and the lifes of others!!!<br /><br />YEA YEA YEA!!!rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-54435809993227017032009-05-02T15:07:00.001-05:002009-05-02T15:39:42.982-05:00the answers are really quite simple.im 20.<br />but im still an immature child sometimes<br />i still giggle at farts and laugh at the word butthole and play silly pranks on people.<br />and thats okay with me.<br /><br />sometimes i like to feel like im so mature<br />sometimes i want people to feel like im so mature<br />but the fact of the matter is mostly im not a lot<br /><br />and mostly, i think im proud of that.<br />if i can stay blissful and joyful like a child<br />and have tea parties in backyards<br />and hang upside down from swingsets<br />and build sandcastles at the beach<br />and play dress up in front of the mirror<br />and climb trees<br />and laugh at the occassional toot,<br />then i think im doing alright.<br /><br />i think sometimes the answer to our problems is to take ourselves a lot less seriously.<br /><br />and if that doesnt work...go buy a slip and slide, some lemonade, some G. Love, and a baby pool and throw a party in your backyard.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-4836126450122895662009-05-02T11:37:00.001-05:002009-05-02T15:48:30.905-05:00startin the mornin off riiiggghhtt.i want G. Love to write a song about me<br /><br /><br /><div align="right"><span style="font-family:georgia;">my baby got sauce</span></div><div align="right">your baby aint sweet like mine</div><div align="right"></div>alright?rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-22910771124643359422009-05-02T00:25:00.000-05:002009-05-02T01:06:13.497-05:00today was brill :)<br /><br />2 months.<br />is that silly?<br /><br />things that help:<br />1. my strong and loving savior named Jesus.<br />2. night times on balconies with friends<br />3. sarcasm<br />4. new music<br />5. free clothes from lindsays closet<br />6. the house on 16th street<br />-ivy<br />-honneysuckle<br />-sharing an alley with kate and lindsay<br />-potential grandparents next door with an indoor pool<br />-a fire place that promises warm nights with warm people<br />7. those people<br />8. not having you around.<br />9. Gods provision and getting 300 dollars for rwanda today!!<br />10. having no potential interest in anyone<br />-really this helps a great deal.<br />-not caring=not worrying=not hurting.<br />11. my mom loving me<br />12. people listening to me<br />13. art projects<br />14. sabrina ward harrisson<br />15. reading about other people being in love<br />16. summer trips and summer friends<br />17. lots of fruit<br />18. new dresses<br /><br />it feels so much like summer<br />i feel normal most of the time<br />i feel emo sometimes<br />i feel like im getting old faster<br />ive stopped dressing up when i know youre going to be somewhere<br />a lot of my plans have changed<br />i am waiting on God for my next move<br />i still miss my best friend<br />but i know you're not around anymore<br />ive accepted a lot<br />im gunna be here an extra year<br />ryan adams is making my life.<br />i feel like i could write a book of poems<br />or just make a bunch of lists<br />but i dont want to be annoying<br />or over dramatic<br />but sometimes i feel like im ready for someone new to romance me<br />but then im immediately reminded of how unfair that would be to put someone else in that situation<br />and how unhappy that would make me.<br /><br />eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh doesnt matter.<br /><br />what does matter?<br />1. i have an exam tomorrow<br />2 i leave for rwanda in a week and 3 days<br />3. God is faithful to me and deserves more of my time<br />4. im getting over tonsillitis far quicker than i could have predicted<br />5. im sleeping much better<br />6. i got 2 dresses, a skirt, a shirt, a bra, and one stellar headband for free today!<br />7. the more and more i fall deeper into the one who loves my soul beyond compare, the less i worry about the man who will be my second.<br />8. i still dont know what i want to do with my life (although, i suppose that isnt quite that important)<br /><br />why worry?<br />life will happen<br />ill get overwhelmed and upset<br />and go over to kates apartment and throw oranges off the balcony and rip pages out from phone books<br />ill purposefully put on sad music and lay in my bed and cry<br />ill be unnecissarilly pathetic sometimes<br />but honestly, this too, along with everything else shall pass.<br /><br />be sad.<br />be pissed off<br />be angry<br />be confused<br />but dont worry<br />lifes gunna happen whether you like it or not<br />we are children of the Lord :)rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498840880509190949.post-4178863463454481672009-05-01T13:34:00.000-05:002009-05-01T13:37:53.826-05:00this is what i see.next year:<br /><br />a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pallet</span> of blankets in front of the fireplace, roasting <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">marsh mellows</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">sufjan</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">stevens</span> on vinyl, lots of friends, and lots of laughing late into the night.<br /><br />this will be in my near future.<br />thank God for the house on 16<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">th</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">street</span>.rachelmariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08129284601234947726noreply@blogger.com1